When news of an Eggo waffle shortage makes national headlines you know we have our media coverage priorities in the wrong place. Are people that tired of hearing about war? Is there a lull in medical breakthroughs that cure terrible diseases? Did Kelloggs hire a brilliant team of marketers?
Who knows. But I must admit I had a blast mocking the absurdity of it all. I ran to the freezer to see if we had any of the once-abundant treats and sure, enough, we had two boxes. I immediately posted them on eBay for $49.99. eBay doesn't have a food category so I listed them under "collectibles".
Here is the actual description that accompanies the listing:
Don't let the national shortage of Eggo waffles ruin your morning tradition. Do you want to disappoint your kids? Your spouse? What are you going to say when they bounce down the stairs expecting the carbo-dense treat they've eaten every morning since they were five?I figured the waffles were worth $5.00 and refrigerated shipping would account for the other $44.99. I got a full-on hour of laughs out of just posting them but the joke got even better when I started to receive inquiries and comments from people. Some played along with my joke and others thought I was serious. Both provided even more laughs. Here are several of the actual questions I received (and my replies):
Be the hero! While the rest of the world stares at a boring bowl of oatmeal, your family can mock the losers while stabbing a big pile of Eggo waffles drenched in syrup. Just be sure to close the blinds so the neighbors don't see.
Two 10ox boxes of Kellogg Nutri-grain Eggo waffles. 10 waffles in each box.
thumpliz: Do you provide REAL Maple syrup with these waffles? I also hope it's from Canada because the stuff from here is crap. I'm very interested in your waffles.One person asked if my waffles in any way resembled Sarah Palin. And just when I thought it couldn't get better, I learned my Eggo listing had caught the attention of The Washington Post and Smart Spending. By now there were many other Eggo waffle products for auction on eBay.
me: Yes, REAL maple syrup is included. Our connections in Canada are giving us a good deal. I can tell you are a true collector of vintage and rare items. Only a professional would know to ask about syrup before bidding.
andrew7882: No way in hell!
me: Understandable. Hell does not allow such grainy goodness.
rockothebird: Are you a moron?
me: You sound bitter. You should eat more whole grains.
And what's a good tragedy without Twitter flurry? Here are some of my favorite tweets about the crisis:
And there you have it. I hear there is now a shortage of canned pumpkin......